Keeping Work Friendships After Leaving your Job

July 30 is International Friendship Day.

How do you maintain friendships when your favourite co-worker decides to move on?

In my early career I was guilty of being quite tunnel-visioned and single focused on work and family. I put a lot of 'perfectionist' pressure on myself at work and our son is on the Autism spectrum so I never had the emotional energy left over to be a good friend. Or that was my excuse at the time.

But as I’ve gotten older, more relaxed and hopefully a little wiser, I really cherish it when I find people I want to build connections with.

Friendships are really important to our happiness and work friends are vital to our well-being at work. When you think about it, sometimes we can spend more time with our work colleagues than our family and friends outside of work.

We bond over photocopiers, filling water bottles, slipping out for a coffee, and naturally enough - work and all the shared experiences that happen when you work closely with someone. The experience of shared deadlines, projects and tasks; the crappy co-workers and managers we work with and for; and just sitting near someone can all create the basis for a friendship.  Sometimes we form a comfortable relationship because you work next to each other – you see these people everyday and you support them how you can - but that might be as far as it goes.

Sometimes, if we're lucky, these relationships grow and become more than just someone to slip out of the office to grab a coffee with, or who you share raised eyebrows and a grin with when ‘that colleague’ won’t shut up in meetings.

When you decide to leave - remember who kept you sane

I left my last job after 10 years with the organisation. It was a large organisation (many office buildings and many floors) and I was lucky to work in many different areas, in many different teams. In my last role I worked so closely on projects with a couple of colleagues, that they feel like family.

Up until I left the role in January - one of the things I absolutely loved was running into former team mates unexpectedly, in say the main foyer and then locking in a catch up coffee soon after.

When I decided the time was right to move on, I made a firm commitment to myself that I was going to work to keep these relationships as strong as I could.

Here are some steps I've taken to keep connected to those friendships after moving on:

1.     Stay Connected:

I really miss the unexpected catch ups that arise just by waiting for the lift or walking into the foyer. So I’ve been making a real effort to stay connected on social media. Like it or loathe it – when you no longer sit beside your work bestie, or run into people you like to have a chat with in the lifts or foyer of your office building anymore, social media is a great way to stay in people’s lives. But its more than simply ‘liking’ people’s posts, you need to engage and add personal messages, comments and support and find ways to extend the conversation – just like you would if you ran into them in the hallway.

2.     Catch up at work / events:

When I know that my former team is doing something outside of work, sometimes I will check in to see if its appropriate for me to come along as well. I also try to schedule some appointments near my old office every month or so that make it easy for me to fit in some coffee catch ups, a lunch or after work drinks with someone.

3.     Maintaining deliberate relationships:

Staying in people’s lives only works if you actually make an effort to do it. I’ve started by reaching out and trying to schedule semi-regular face to face catch-ups with as many people as I can manage. When someone reaches out to me I do everything I can to make it work.

4.     Common interests:

When you work alongside someone, its really common to unite over shared pain. Complaining about colleagues, bosses, and work deadlines is easy. When you no longer have that common ground, its important to be able to connect over things in common like interests, passions and /or genuine concerns. It could be talking about families and partners, career problems, or hobbies.

How to survive when you feel like your workplace BFF is breaking up with you

Our workplace friendships play a big part in your levels of job satisfaction. Its natural to feel a little sad and lost when your favourite co-worker decides it’s time to move on. Rather than simply feeling like you are losing someone you had a strong bond with, there are some steps you can take to adjust to the change.

Here are some steps you can take when your workplace BFF moves on:

 1.     Recognise your emotions. You could be feeling pretty conflicted right now. On one hand you are happy for your friend's opportunity and on the other you might be feeling hurt that they are leaving, jealous of their opportunity or worried about the change in workload. When we have these feelings, we might not be our best selves and it can impact on our behaviour and communication. Be honest with yourself so you don't do or say things that you might regret later.

2.    Accept that things will change. Your relationship won't be the same when you no longer work closely together. If this relationship is important to you then you will need to make an effort to adapt to keep the relationship.

3.     Be supportive. Leaving a job for whatever reason is a major life event. Offer any physical help or support that she might need. You could help her pack up, and sort through her desk, be a sounding board when she needs it, or even writing her a LinkedIn recommendation.

4.     Celebrate their contribution. Organise a farewell morning tea with all their colleagues or plan lunch or drinks for just the two of you. Let them know that they made a difference and they will be missed.

5.     Stay connected. If you valued this person and want to stay connected even though you don't work together anymore, you will need to plan to spend time together. Agree on a regular catch up over breakfast or an after-work drink.

6.  Connect with your other colleagues. Take this opportunity to get to know the rest of your team and other co-workers. Organise a team social event or morning tea, or ask someone new out for a coffee.

It's International Friendship Day on 30 July. Now is the time to reach out to those amazing work buddies who have either moved on or the wonderful friends you left behind when you finished up, and let them know that you miss having them around. Share a favourite memory that still brings a smile to your face.

Better yet see if you can actually catch up.